Tuesday, January 04, 2011

chop kale, filter water

This is my fourth morning without coffee. My headache has moved to my neck, where it's simmering angrily, its petulant wave of pain gnawing at me like a nasty field mouse.

This is also day 4 without booze, bread and bacon. Without sugar. Without noodles. Without anything even remotely conveying comfort.

But why? ask my friends and colleagues in their best Cindy-Lou Who. Those with whom I party and sip and knock back a few.

Why indeed, I ask myself as I get increasingly stoopider, slower and phlegmatic. But really, I do know why I'm doing this. After a blessedly celebratory year that culminated in a month of parties, hedonism and pure fun, my body looks and acts like someone from an insane asylum. I'd become so "Go ask Alice" with the drug to get me going, the drug to mellow me out, the drug to make me happy. All legal, by the way, but potent just the same.

God, I love whiskey. Sigh.

I'm doing the Junger cleanse, and I"m following the program like a monk. I even bought a Jack LaLanne Juicer from Costco and watched the instructional video on my husband's laptop (at his insistence). Imagine uncaffeinated me at the helm of this buff machine cramming in fennel, kale, green apples and carrots--my detoxing slumped posture, and the "Please Sir, may I have some more?" look on my face after downing what is now breakfast.

And right be-next to the juicer sits the "bullet" and next to that the blender, the knife, the chopping block and a variety of leafy green things that are poised to eradicate my digestive system of toxins and sludge. Yummy!

But deprivation ain't the only thing with the Junger cleanse. It states quite emphatically that the cleanser must undergo weekly massages (the first of which I've scheduled for just two hours from now!), and then there's skin brushing, hot/cold plunging, yoga and meditation. Really, it's about way more than food.

It's about writing this blog entry without letting my mind leaf through the other items in my inbox. It's about sitting down with my kale shake while my husband and son devour their pork chops and feeling grateful, blessed, whole. It's about trying not to count the days (that would be 24) until I can, once again, litter my body with poisons and meet my friends for lunch!


  1. Good luck, Suzy! Happy cleansing!

  2. Thanks, Erin.

    Just made a batch of "crackers" from coconut flour. They sucked. I'm crabby.

    But tomorrow is another day, right?


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