Cooking with Suzy

that one with the erection is a little fresh!

Ack! Blogger has coerced me into adopting their new interface and I am SO not in the mood for a learning curve. Curses! I guess that's why I'm in the kitchen today--disaster must be in my horror-scope.

Basically, what I wanted to do on this post was call out my genius friend Lisa Golden, and her very ambitious blog project: "30 Day Photography Challenge."

Today's topic was "fruit" and her post is a hoot. (I did not mean to rhyme there, so I'm blaming it on Blogger's new interface).

Next to her ambitious creation, my post is a pathetic fetus, but, I'm just so damn proud of this year's tomato crop, any excuse to show it off will do, so I'm snatching Lisa's coattails and doing my own "fruit" blog. Yes, those are eggs from the girls in the background, but eggs are not fruit, not really, so disregard them.

My version of the fruit story is how to take perfectly lovely ingredients and ruin them. Or: Cooking with Suzy!

such unsuspecting little fellows

1. Assemble your raw harvest, and unearth your George Foreman grill:

• reread directions since this is may be the second time in your life you've used this thoughtful Christmas gift
• hunt for the various plastic tools that came with it, lest you ruin the grill by using a fork as spatula. Oops, too late. You really do have to read ALL the directions first.

2. Prepare your ingredients

• which requires locating other kitchen gadgets: the Cuisinart, the immersion blender, the peeler that isn't rusty, and so on.

It started out so promisingly!

3. Forget whether the correct sequence of patty coating prep is eggs, breadcrumbs, tomato sauce OR eggs, tomato sauce, breadcrumbs. Experiment with both, and then wonder if you should drizzle olive oil and salt on after grilling or before.

4. Push down the lid of the George Foreman grill and go off to answer several emails. Forget you were cooking, and get reminded by that unwelcome burn-off-of-new-appliances smell.

5. Ah, well, these will be the "first pancake" then, yes? Good thing you didn't have lunch yet and you're starving and will therefore eat anything. Taste the deliciousness of the nonstick surface which permeates the burnt coating.

No, this is not a picture of skin cancer lesions. Sigh.

6. Think about how to make the final product look more like Foodie blog features, and less like shoe insoles. Should you pluck some herbs from the patio? Should you drown the patties in hot sauce?

7. Resolve that next year you'll enjoy your harvest as you would flowers. Set them in bowls around your home until they mildew and wilt, and then feed them to the chickens. Leave the cooking to your husband!